Trudging Through Spiritual Malaise
by BrokenSouledPoetess
Summary: She has sacrificed more than she had ever anticipated and is left with nothing at the end of it all except the knowledge of the good she accomplished. With all family gone is there hope for her to find a new one?
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Trudging Through Spiritual Malaise  
**Author:** BrokenSouledPoetess  
**Summary:** With all family gone is there hope for her to find a new one?  
**Rating:** MA 18  
**Pairing(s):** Not determined yet.  
**Feedback:** Required.   
**Disclaimer:** I do not own, or profit from, Inuyasha and Yuu Yuu Hakusho respectively. This disclaimer serves to blanket the entirety of this story.

A heavy hearted sigh escaped rosy lips as dark, sapphire eyes gazed at the approaching dawn. The sun had yet to break the horizon and bathe the Earth in its light, leaving the sky to be painted in a myriad of colors ranging from purples and pinks to oranges and blues. A slender hand pushed back a mass of raven-wing hair before throwing the silvery sheets away to reveal a lithe young woman dressed in soft black pants and a white tank top. Sliding her legs over the edge of her bed, she placed bare feet on the soft carpet and stood, her body arching into a stretch with the grace of a feline while a small pink tongue curled in a yawn.

After the kinks of a full-night's sleep were relaxed, Kagome padded down to her kitchen and turned on her espresso machine. Taking a sidelong glance at the clock that hung on the wall of the adjoining living room, the young woman heaved another sigh.

"I don't even have to be up this early anymore and yet I still awake long before dawn." She grumbled as she pulled various items from her refrigerator for breakfast while glaring daggers at the clock that happily read 5:47am. Soon the sound of her morning caffeine being ready buzzed in her mind and she grabbed a cup before walking over to her family pictures that adorned the mantle over the fireplace.

"Good morning everyone," came her melodic voice in a nearly reverent whisper as she traced the faces of her beloved ones with the tip of a delicate finger, "It's another day today. I don't expect it to be any different from all the ones that have come and gone since you all were lost to me. Have a wonderful day, wherever you are."

As she walked quietly back to the master bedroom to ready herself for her shower, Kagome couldn't help but think about all of the long years to come. Would her extended life be filled with nothing but the sorrow and loss of watching all those she loved dearly pass on before her? Had her sacrifice for the greater good made a difference to anyone other than herself? Of course, she knew that the youkai and ningen who would have torn one another apart otherwise would live longer lives…maybe. But even if they did, would they live those lives well?

Would she ever be able to live her life well?

Not that she could really complain, she supposed. After all, she had her own house and a quaint but profitable business that prospered because of the being she was…but was she happy? The young woman nearly choked on her espresso with the sardonic laughter that bubbled in her throat. Happy? Could she ever be happy? Once upon a time – years past – she would have said yes.

Now though…now she wasn't so sure.

She loved her job and the comfortable life she had managed to carve in the world well enough…but her heart always felt empty. Kagome knew a large part of it was the loss of her family. Shouldn't there be something else that would fill that void? She knew if she had a husband – or a mate – and/or maybe children she would be happy; either one or the other or both would easily consume the space in her soul. A bitter, unladylike snort echoed off the bathroom walls as she stripped off her sleeping attire and turned on the water for her shower.

Honestly, how could the idea of a significant other or children even come up? It wasn't as if she had even had a boyfriend…much less someone that wanted to be tied down to her in such a way. Even Hojou had grown tired of hounding Kagome for a date and had quit his affections…at least, in the romantic way. He still stopped by once in awhile to check in on her and somehow, they had formed a very close friendship.

He was one of very, _very_ few people who knew some of her past.

As she stepped under the torrent of pleasantly heated water, Kagome's mind wandered through her memories. Four years had passed since her family had been taken from her…and yet…it always felt as though it had only been a week ago. A content sigh issued forth from her throat as the hot water ran down the lines of her body, soaked through her hair and worked magic on her muscles. Already she could feel the bits of stress - that had blossomed in her mind and body just since awakening - diminish.

Pouring a dollop of unscented shampoo into her hand, Kagome worked it into the lengths of her ebony hair and scrubbed at her scalp. _Who is there for me to date anyway? I don't really even have friends!_ Ah, the lamentation of her life. Sadly enough, it was entirely true. Not only did the young woman not go out on dates…she didn't even have friends anymore. There were plenty of people she could claim as an acquaintance but that was simply because they were regulars in her store.

Blinking suddenly, Kagome realized that while she had delved into bemoaning her life, her body had mechanically taken over the rest of her shower and she was ready to get out. Her brow crinkled in irritation as she shut off the water and stepped into the steam filled bathroom. After wrapping a towel around her hair and one around her torso, Kagome headed for her room and dressed in baggy black cargo pants and a light blue t-shirt. Digging a hair tie from the little crystal dish on her vanity, she threw her hair up into a ponytail before slipping on some comfortable skate shoes and heading out her front door.

She smiled warmly as she unlocked the door to her shop. With so many of her family members passing, Kagome had been left with more money than she could possibly ever spend. She had tested out of high school at the age of sixteen and gone to college at twenty. A year and a half later, she walked out with a degree in liberal arts and – of all things – botany. It was then that she found her house and the empty building next to it.

The realtor that had showed both structures claimed that the house was haunted and therefore extremely hard to sell. Although the building next to it hadn't had the same claims made, nobody wanted it either simply for its close proximity to the house in question. Kagome had thought it a shame that such a beautiful house was unlived in just because people were afraid of the unknown. Without even bothering to negotiate the price, she had purchased both the house and neighboring building straight out.

After only six months, Kagome had her enormous house completely decorated the way she wanted it, a greenhouse set up behind it and one behind the neighboring structure, and the building itself had been furnished and prepared for use.

Flipping over the 'open' sign and turning on the lights for 'Body, Mind and Soul', Kagome made her way to the back room to set up for the day. She hummed a lilting tune as she checked all the herbs and plants that filled up the store – both dried and living – and watered the ones who looked thirsty. Delicate blends of every herb and flower imaginable gently scented the air and calmed the young woman's nerves. She kept the more exotic plants and herbs in her greenhouses and only kept the barest amounts of the herbs' dried counterparts in stock. Many of them could be deadly if combined correctly and to limit the purchasing of such things, Kagome made a catalogue of all the more rare and exotic breeds.

The plants and flowers had all been checked over by the time the first customer arrived. Mrs. Ishikawa was a kind older woman who came to visit the store at least twice a week, always purchasing different flavors of loose tea leaves. They chatted for a moment or two, about the weather or her store, anything really just to share some friendly words. Mrs. Ishikawa had become a widow some ten years past, her dearly loved husband falling prey to cancer, and Kagome knew she was lonely. Her heart went out to the kind woman because she was lonely too.

Lunchtime came and went without event – as per usual – and it was now close to closing time. Quite a few of the more regular customers had already made an appearance and even some she had never seen before. Simply observing the people that entered her store became somewhat of a hobby for Kagome. On more than one occasion she had sensed someone with traces of youkai blood or spiritual powers that were higher than the average human in her store. Those people always reacted to her differently than normal ningens did and Kagome knew that even if they were unaware of their heritage, their heritage was very aware of her. There had even been occasions where she had felt the presence of hanyou and even full-blooded youkai, though never within her range.

Kagome had just finished preparing some of her hand made incense for sale when she noticed it was rapidly changing to evening. With a sigh, she completed the work in front of her, cleaned up her work area and removed her apron. The entire idea of incense – making and selling it – had come about purely from inspiration…and missing her family. It had happened late one night while she was lying in bed and unable to sleep. For a long while, she had always felt as though something was missing – other than her family – and she came to the conclusion that a large part of the emptiness was simply because their scents no longer were present in her life.

The next day Kagome had done extensive research on ways of making incense and purchased everything needed to make her own. The first batches she made were all the aromas of those she missed; the next batches were all more familiar scents such as vanilla or strawberry. After she had finally found the perfect combinations for those she loved, she had given each a label that corresponded to each individual in one way or another.

She had taken plenty of each home and burned a particular one when she felt the need for a certain companion. It had helped considerably more than she had thought it would.

Shaking herself from even more wandering thoughts and latent memories, Kagome moved to count down the till when she felt a prickle at the back of her neck. Raising stormy blue eyes to the entrance of the store, she realized that someone was just beyond the door…and that someone had an amazing amount of spiritual awareness and spiritual powers. Whoever it was had obviously had some form of training with their natural gift and Kagome knew instantly that the person outside her store knew someone close to her.

The aura hovered just outside the building and she could easily sense the hesitation to enter. Focusing on the person, Kagome sent out a small wave of calm. No sooner had she felt it make contact than the person in question opened her door slightly, the little bells tinkling merrily. Resuming her task of rounding up the profits for the day, Kagome paid no outward attention to the person and soon she heard the door close entirely.

Once he – for it was definitely a 'he' Kagome knew, simply because of the way his presence was held – had come closer to her, Kagome raised her head, "May I help you?"

It was obvious in the dark eyes of the young man in front of her that Kagome had apparently startled him. Even though he was the one that entered her place of business, his eyes held a look that clearly said "I wasn't expecting you." The poor man looked genuinely baffled and after a small giggle, Kagome spoke to him again.

"Was there something specific you were looking for?" She questioned gently not wanting to scare him again. Suddenly the large man looked as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

He blinked at her several times, his mouth opening and closing as if searching for words, before he managed an answer. "Well…actually, this is going to sound stupid."

One hand came up to rub at the back of his neck sheepishly, his eyes darting to the floor as a blush crossed his cheeks

Kagome smiled warmly at him while placing a gentle hand on his forearm. The touch of his aura against hers had a rather surprising effect as it felt almost as if his own spirit was embracing hers, or vice versa. Not that it mattered really for the effect was still the same: his aura held a kinship with hers and she could clearly feel the purity in his soul. It wasn't often that she found anyone other than most children that held such a strong sense of purity and innocence. His was the greatest concentration of such she had ever felt, coming in second only to her own.

"How about I make some tea and you tell me why you're here, ne? My name is Kagome by the way." Kagome said as she slid her hand down from the man's forearm to his wrist and tugged at his hulking frame lightly.

The movement seemed to shake him from his stupor and he focused on the woman in front of him as she led him toward the counter and one of the comfortable stools perched in front of it. Taking a seat quickly he watched Kagome meander through the area behind the counter as she gathered up tea leaves and coffee cups. His gaze wandered around the store he had entered completely on a whim.

It was a rather interesting place, he thought, and the general atmosphere of nearly the entire block was greatly comforting. Scents of what could only be herbs and incense floated around him delicately, the combination of aromas wrapping him up in a warm embrace and soothing him in a way he'd never felt before.

Maybe he would make it a habit to visit this little place after training.

As Kagome came back towards him – two steaming cups in hand – he focused his attention on her. Truthfully she was a beauty. She held an almost timeless quality even though she appeared to be around his age. Massive waves of inky black hair cascaded down her back to fall at her waist while the most beautiful pair of eyes he'd ever seen seemed to peer directly into his soul. They were almost jewel-like in quality, the shimmering depths of blue riveting him like the waves of an ocean. Though their azure color shone brightly, they appeared shadowed and sad; like the midnight sky littered with clouds.

Her gait was fluid and graceful, her entire form screaming of physical ability. As she set a cup of tea in front of him, he figured he might as well tell her why he was there. After taking a sip of the offered beverage – which he found surprisingly good – he spoke.

"Well um," he started, rubbing the back of his neck with a large hand as a sheepish look spread on his face, "Actually, I don't really know what I'm looking for. See, my sister is…special…and she has this…condition…that gives her these awful headaches. She has one today and I was out looking for something maybe we hadn't tried before, since the normal OTC pain killers don't work and neither do narcotics from the doctor. I just…came here, I guess."

Kami he was embarrassed. He hadn't really thought about how or why he'd ended up in her shop. A feeling of belonging had crept into his soul the closer he had come and it drew him in. Even when he had halted his progress just outside the threshold, he felt as though someone had hugged him. Lifting his gaze from the floor with an internal sigh and praying to whoever was listening that he wasn't blushing like a fool, he faced Kagome.

He had been expecting to find irritation, mocking humor, even suspicion in those luminous blue orbs; so imagine his surprise when he only saw complete understanding and a gentle smile.

The more he stammered over what he was trying to say, the more he became endeared to Kagome. He completely dwarfed her in size – both in height and sheer body mass – he had a kind of rugged look almost with the set of his jaw and just seeing him alone could probably intimidate quite a few people. Yet, here stood this enormous man with spiritual energy that poured off of him and he was blushing and stuttering like a fourteen year old with a crush. It really was cute.

Smiling up at the large young man, she placed a gentle hand on his forearm and he instantly calmed, his dark eyes turning down to look at her. "You know, you never told me your name." Kagome said softly, amusement shining in her eyes and laughter in her voice.

His blush darkened slightly before he grumbled, "No wonder the guys always call me a baka."

In the fraction of a second, her smiling eyes turned steely and serious and the way her change in emotion caused her eyes to change as well was intriguing. Her tiny hand gripped his forearm a little firmer before she spoke in a quiet and fierce tone, "Don't ever believe that. I know it gets hard - when you hear how worthless you are constantly – not to but please never, ever believe things like that about yourself. You are a wonderful person and they can't really be your friends if they treat you like that."

His shock was hard to hide. In fact, he was fairly certain that he looked quite ridiculous at the moment because he could feel his jaw hanging open and his eyes wide. As she spoke, her aura flared around her and the beautiful dark blue of her eyes morphed into steely silver. The vehemence of her words let him know she was speaking from experience and he could only wonder who would dare to treat her in such a way.

Placing one large hand over the tiny one still clinging to his arm, he gave it a gentle squeeze before talking, "It's okay. I know that most of the time they don't mean it. I'm Kazuma Kuwabara by the way."

Kagome's eyes flared slightly before settling back into navy and she let loose a sigh. "I apologize for that Kazuma. My temper still gets the best of me sometimes." She laughed lightly at that and smiled.

The smile was returned and Kuwabara chuckled himself, "I have a friend who has a wicked temper but I think even he might be afraid of your wrath."

They shared a laugh before he spoke again, "I guess I should get going. Shizuru is probably in pretty bad shape by now."

Nodding her head, Kagome let go of his arm and walked him to the door. "Just make her that tea and warn her that she should be ready to lie down. It will send her into an extremely deep sleep to help heal her. It will be nothing short of impossible to awaken her but that phase will only last an hour or so before she settles into normal sleep. Have a good night Kazuma."

Opening the door, he gave a slight nod of his head and with a smile he replied, "I will. Thanks again Kagome. Have a good night."

With a final wave, the young woman flipped the store sign to 'closed', locked up and went home. Her final thought before she fell into dreamland was a question.

_I wonder if I will see him again?_


	2. Chapter 2

It had been nearly two weeks since he had met the woman named Kagome and she had crossed his mind on more than one occasion. There was something about her that was just otherworldly and her presence alone made him feel good. Although she was a beautiful woman – and any male of any species would feel a physical attraction to her – he found he wanted to see her again for entirely different reasons. He was very much smitten with Yukina and if he had any say in it, he would marry the ice maiden one day.

Kagome though, she made him feel special…worthy. He didn't feel incredibly awkward or stupid around her. There was a presence to her that made him feel warm and comforted, like his mother used to. When he had started making that tea for Shizuru he had almost been upset with the amount provided, thinking it would take at least a month before more was needed. He wanted to visit Kagome sooner than that.

So it was almost a blessing in disguise for him that his sister had been having an extremely stressful twelve days. With his job as a Spirit Detective, the option of having an actual, paying job wasn't present. Missions from Koenma never had a specific time or date and his frequent disappearing acts would never go over well with any boss. That being the case, his sister was always the one to work and provide for them. He always felt horribly guilty about leaving her to be the breadwinner but when he'd made mention of it to her, she had shrugged it off and pointed out to him that he was needed to make sure the world was safe and her efforts weren't in vain.

Her most recent job had been lost due to the company filing for bankruptcy and she had been strung out lately looking for work. It wasn't easy to find a well enough paying job and they were slipping behind enough as it was. She had applied for every open position she could find and had yet to receive any call backs.

A headache had attacked every day for two weeks.

So now, Kuwabara found himself humming slightly off key and walking happily to the little shop he'd entered on a whim. There was an anxiety in his heart today and he could only pray that the impending event was a good one. A grin broke out onto his face as the quaint store came into view and as he stepped up to the door, his body and mind were flooded with a complete sense of peace. How he loved that feeling.

The chimes on the door gave a soft tinkling sound as they jolted from their immobile position and the pleasing aromas of herbs and incense swarmed his nostrils. He poked his head inside the door and gazed around the building, a grin curling his lips when a head of raven hair snapped up and locked gazes with his own. "Hey Kagome-sama."

Cerulean eyes blinked a few times before widening marginally and Kuwabara watched nearly spellbound as those brilliant orbs relaxed and crinkled into a beautiful smile. "Kazuma-san! How are you today? I wasn't planning on seeing you so soon…is everything alright?"

The same expressive blue gaze quivered with worry and genuine concern and the young Spirit Detective couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he entered the store fully, the chimes echoing behind him as the door closed. "I am fine Kagome-sama. I know it hasn't been long since I was last here but Shizuru has had a pretty rough week or two. I need to pick up some more of your miracle tea and pay for the stuff I got last time."

Hopping down off her stool, the young miko walked towards him, grabbed his hand and lead him back to the counter before slipping into the back and coming out a few seconds later with two cups of tea. Kuwabara gave her a grateful smile and sipped at the warm brew, his nerves calming down some with just being around Kagome.

She allowed him a few moments of peace before setting her own mug down and pinning him with soft eyes, "What's been happening Kazuma-san?"

"Please don't throw that title in…I really don't like it. Makes me feel old." The large man quipped and grinned at the young woman across from him with a light chuckle.

"Oh? Well then, I don't ever want to hear you call me 'Kagome-sama' either. If you do, you'll graduate to Kuwabara-sama." She laughed heartily at the look of disgust that crinkled his face.

Hearing her laugh was somehow magical. He knew she wasn't laughing _at_ him like so many liked to do; no she was laughing with him. His heart warmed in his chest and he was happy to have a little slice of heaven in everything that was so horrible. Thinking on that train of thought reminded him of his sister's problems and he looked up into those beautiful blue eyes with a solemn face.

"My…job…makes it very difficult to have a normal job and it doesn't pay. But it is something that I have no choice but to do and that leaves Shizuru to cover the bills. She was let go from her last job two weeks ago and hasn't been able to find another. Every morning she is up and gone before I am even awake and she doesn't get home until after five in the evening. When she finally makes in the door, she is so exhausted that she just drinks your tea and goes to bed. I don't even know if she's been eating much."

Sapphire orbs burned with worry as she watched Kuwabara talk. Once he was finished, she walked out from behind the counter and wrapped her arms around the heartbroken man, bringing his face to rest against her shoulder. In a matter of seconds, his large hands grasped tightly to the back of her shirt and she felt tears soak her shoulder but she only held him tighter, rubbing her hands in soothing patterns up and down his back.

A few moments passed before Kuwabara had himself under control and he pulled away from Kagome with a sniffle and a blush of embarrassment, bowing his head. He couldn't believe he'd actually cried on the woman at his second time in her presence. Soft, strong fingers were under his chin and tilting his head up so he was lost in azure eyes and a gentle smile.

"Don't worry about it. I don't mind at all. Now," she stated as her smile turned into a grin and a brilliant twinkle entered her eyes as she stood, "you said your sister needs a job ne?"

He watched her with curious dark eyes as she walked back behind the counter, grabbed up the cordless phone and dialed a number. Her voice was soft but cheerful and her laughter rung merrily in his ears like the bells at the front of her store. In only a matter of moments, she was walking back towards him with an even happier grin on her face than before.

"Do you think Shizuru would mind working with me?"

"Damnit!" Yusuke growled as he walked down the street from Kuwabara's house with Kurama in tow while Hiei flitted through the tree tops. "I just don't get it! Where the hell could that oaf be? If he isn't at the arcade he's with me."

The fox lifted his shoulders in a shrug that still managed to look elegant before sweeping his long bangs from his eyes, "I don't really know Yusuke. It isn't like him to disappear in such a manner. It is odd that he isn't even at Genkai's visiting Yukina."

_I don't find it odd, I find it acceptable._

_**You would say that wouldn't you Hiei. Sooner or later you will have to accept that Yukina likes Kuwabara as much as he likes her.**_

_I might be forced to accept it however I refuse to like it._

"- I mean seriously! Damnit all to hell…what if there was a mission?!" The detective continued to rant and rave completely pissed off and not just a little hurt that one of his closest friends was just seemingly gone and hadn't said anything to him. As they made their way slowly into the rest of Tokyo, Yusuke sighed moodily and kicked a rock out of his path.

"I am sure he is fine Yusuke. Maybe he had an errand to run for Shizuru, she didn't look too well when we were there." Kurama said in his calm voice, hoping to settle the young man down. He too couldn't quite understand why the fourth member of their team was suddenly M.I.A. but it was entirely possible that Kuwabara had something important to do if he was unavailable to his friends.

"Whatever. Let's just get going." Came the unhappy grumble as Yusuke started walking a little bit quicker to their destination.

"Kazuma are you sure about this?" Shizuru asked warily as they walked down the sidewalk together. Her brother usually had a really good head on his shoulders and was often times a rather surprisingly good judge of character. However when he'd come home with more tea for her headaches – she still didn't understand how anything could work so well – and told her he had gotten her a job, she was quite unsure. The details she'd been given were sketchy at best and all she could really glean from the entire conversation – as she was being rushed to get dressed to leave – was that the woman who made her pain-relieving tea wanted to offer her a job.

The entire scenario almost sounded too good to be true, especially when her brother was raving about what a wonderful person this 'Kagome' was. Everything she'd heard about the woman and her store sounded absolutely delightful and that was the biggest reason for her doubting. Shizuru couldn't seem to wrap her mind around the fact that she was being offered a job so easily when she had been slaving around all of Tokyo for anything that paid somewhat decently.

A sigh from her side directed her attention to the gentle giant that was her brother. "Trust me please sis? Seriously there is just something about this woman that…I don't know really. She just…she feels like…home."

It was rather surprising how such a simple phrase managed to change the woman's entire outlook on their impending evening. Home? She couldn't remember a time when even she had actually known what 'home' felt like so she seriously doubted Kazuma did. It had been just the two of them struggling for so long that nothing really managed to feel like that, no matter how much work and tears were put into their lives. Both siblings tried so hard to breathe that tender, warm emotion into their own homes and yet Shizuru knew nowhere had ever felt that way.

Kuwabara being able to explain something in that one way only was kind of a shock. She knew if she couldn't remember what 'home' felt like than her brother had never really known. If he could only feel that one word to associate with this woman…then maybe, just maybe things were going to be okay for them. Suddenly her heart felt a little lighter and it didn't feel as if the world was pressing down on her shoulders; somehow she knew that Kazuma would always live through his fights and they wouldn't lose one another. Tilting her head to the side and catching her brother's attention, Shizuru smiled; a true, warm hopeful smile.

Something she hadn't been sure she could do again.

The large man simply returned the smile with a matching one before sliding his arm over her shoulders and giving her a hug. "I promise Shizuru, Kagome is a great person. You'll love her."

Nodding her head, the woman settled against her strong brother's side, relishing in the safety and comfort he gave her. Really, Kuwabara was just like a big teddy bear.

Soon after she'd begun to relax, Shizuru felt something tickle her senses and she tensed slightly, not recognizing the presence as evil but completely unknown and incredibly strong. It made her uneasy. However her brother's arm only tightened around her shoulders in another sideways hug and he grinned down at her, walking past the store and to the beautiful house standing next to it.

Shizuru had to admit that already all the tension in her body was melting away, leaving her to feel boneless and warm. She knew without a doubt that if there was a bed right in front of her, she'd fall soundly asleep. Continuing her steps under her brother's guidance, the two soon found themselves standing in front of a beautifully carved oak door. Kuwabara reached over and rang the doorbell, then let his arm drop back to his side and cast a grin at his sister.

Kuwabara looked up from Shizuru as the door opened and smiled brightly at the woman behind it, "Hello again Kagome. This is my sister Shizuru."


End file.
